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For the past couple of weeks, I've been experiencing some odd feelings and emotions toward one of my good friends. I didn’t know what it was, but it was definitely different. Keeping them only to my self made everything worse. My chest either felt like it was going to burst, or a big rock dropped on it. I was down and anxious when he was not around. When he was… I wanted to hide, and go somewhere where he could not see me. I was deeply bothered, and unable to concentrate. I ignored him many times when I see him, which was very unusual of me. I began to worry about our friendship. By ignoring him, I was destroying it. What was I suppose to do? I felt this deep… feelings toward him, and it didn’t fit. It felt so right… but at the same time… it wasn’t okay. Because I was dumb and naïve, I told him about these feelings I began to feel. Everything was so messed up… but I made… things… more complex for my self.
Then it struck me… I like him. How do I react to that? How do I deal with that? I didn’t know what to do. He makes me happy just by talking to me… and being with me, but I know… that’s only about it. He doesn’t like me… and I have no intention of having him liking me. Liking him…. and letting me like him… was enough. I just want him to let me… be.
He told me… that I’ll forget about it. Why did that hurt so much? I was losing it, I couldn’t hold my tears from my eyes. He was the first guy I’ve actually like… haha… who was I kidding? This was why it was not okay. He doesn’t like it. I knew I should have kept it… it would have save me from all of these… pain. I like him…
I like him a lot.
I was not thinking of relationship when I confessed my feelings, I was only thinking of my self, and the fact that I want to feel better by letting things out of my chest. He said it was okay… that everything will be alright. He wanted to help me… help me feel better. To be specific, he wanted me to forget about him. How could I? I seldomly think of what was in front of me, because he would snatch my mind, and I’d completely absorbed. It just completely destroyed me… when he said that I should just forget about it. However, in the back of my mind… I know it’s what I should do.
Haha… life… I could never understand what it means. Soo, that is what I decided. Life must go on. =]
Tuesday was Mardi Gras and Chelsea's Birthday. I bought her the simple book called "Baby Mouse," it's really interesting actually. We didn't have a party or anything. We decided we'll just do something when we finally moved, since we are so busy with clearing up the house. Not to mention, school and work as well.
BTW, I just bought the most... distasteful water I've ever drank. But I drank half of it anyway because otherwise I'll be thirsty. I really don't recommend it. It's bitter... however, i can't deny that I got used to it after a while. =] but, it's still disgusting.
Bulba was glaring at it.
